I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
