Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
