I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
