It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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