hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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