we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
