i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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