There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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