Nicole vs. Life
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
