If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
