Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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