All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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