well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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