Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
