So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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