Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
