lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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