i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
