i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
