I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
