You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Actions speak louder than pants.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
