i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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