I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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