I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
