i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
