don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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