I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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