i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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