You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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