Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
