Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
