dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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