he shaved USA in his pubs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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