the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
