Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
