Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A+ Viking dick
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
