my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
