and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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