her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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