I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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