I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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