i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
