I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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