The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
