OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
