your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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