and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
