i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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