I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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