The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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