I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
tell me about the eggs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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