how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
