they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
